Our own Executive Director, Donna Martin, reflects on her painful relationship with her mother and healing.
This is a day for most that is filled with love, laughter and honor. However, for others it can bring pain, heartache and sadness in various ways.
Every year, I reflect back on this picture which was taken about a month before my mom passed. It reminds me of the heartache, abandonment, her addiction, lack of security, and how much I grieved when she was alive that I didn’t really have a mom growing up. I think of the immature ways I attempted to hurt her back, prove I was better than her, and was filled with such bitterness and resentment.
I didn’t want regrets so when she was sick I would make weekend trips back to Illinois just to listen to her, spend time with her and ask the Lord to help me with all the brokenness I felt inside towards her. I ask the Lord to help me honor her well and He gave me what was needed to do these things.
Before she passed, we spoke about everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. We forgave one another. We spoke about Jesus and Heaven. Once she passed, there was a relief that her life of misery was now filled with the joy of the Lord. She didn’t have anymore pain, hurt, or addiction. I envision her in heaven playing canasta, eating her homegrown fresh tomatoes and her infectious laugh echoing all around.
We can’t change others, we are all flawed people who need to love and forgive because it only hurts ourselves when we aren’t forgiving, not the other person. And sometimes, you just forgive without an apology or correction. I hope on this Mothers Day that each of us is open to forgiveness, open to knowing that life is precious, that even in the bad and ugly, growth and beautiful moments can be obtained, that we don’t know it all, we haven’t walked in their shoes, but we can love as Jesus loved us. I can say today, I am filled with peace, no regrets, even when I do not understand why things where the way they where ~ there was still beauty among the ashes. I love you Mom
Donna, very well written and it really gives insight into your heart to help others. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting others know there is hope after so much pain.
Thank you for sharing this. I just found about MGW and plan to learn more.
This is really good and heartfelt. Our God is so very gracious to supply us with strength and guidance when asked. I am so glad you found healing and peace:)
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